Let’s get a li’ll WooWoo.
I was absent from this blog and life in general for about two years. Two freaking years. You wanted news, updates on the books, deep spiritual shit, the cosmic connection about what’s good in the world.
My response to that? Blah.
I got rilled up enough to write that post about Everybody’s Jekyll, (yes I meant to use Jekyll not Hyde it’s deep) and then poof went the spark.
Nine years ago I got a glimpse of my divine self. Maybe just myself. A taste of working with the flow and fire of creation, of aligning mind, body and spirit. I had it for a while. I was in a good place.
Then I lost it. Life no longer worked, I was trapped in the suck, in the illusion, and I utterly did not give a shit about the world, my writing, or anything else. I was in a boat, fighting the current, unable to appreciate the beauty of the ocean.
I’m have no fucking idea how I got there. Trust me, I’m deep introspective person. I can self analyze like nobodies business, but I cannot say with any level of certainty how I got there. I have a few guesses, but no concrete answer. I suppose the point is, it doesn’t really matter how. I was there.
I’ve sat in a dark place before. Scorpios are all about pushing those emotional lines to our breaking points, setting that motherfucker on fire, and walking out of the ashes like a badass. This was different than my first break down. Similar, but different. It was so bad that the emotional beating I was getting, or giving to myself, almost tested my limits. It’s like being tortured and during it you’re all “fuck this”, “no way” “omg can’t take it please stop”.
Seven weeks ago, I decided I had enough. I really recognized my blah as being a problem, the constant life struggling, the depression, the stress was all taking a toll, mentally and physically. It sucked ya’ll. A lot. For some reason though, I decided I didn’t want to be in this place anymore.